It always begins with the school shopping. In sixth grade it was a blouse with teddy bears on it that I never wore after the day I entered the classroom because I realized middle school would be different. Grade 8 began the cardigan years with a velor royal blue zip up sweater that I wore until it unraveled. My first year of university it was a brown corduroy skirt from Gap that I had found at a Seattle thrift store a week prior and last year, my last of university, it was a blue sun dress and large, fake pearl earrings -- vestiges from my time living at Princeton the summer prior.
There was no school shopping this year. I picked up a pair of shorts on sale, yet another cardigan, and some pants for the unknown future job. There is no plan, for the first time in my life, of what to do next. Sometimes, I feel a bit befuddled without the smell of new books around or the anticipation of seeing old classmates. After 18 years of habit forming, I see breaking this one is going to be more difficult than I thought.
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Just this month I found myself saying, "I really wish summer would just hurry up and get over with...". I feel I've had my reasons, but I still feel like I've betrayed something inside me...